Oh, brussels sprout: You appear to look like a typical green cabbage that crossed the path of a shrink-ray, and zap! A shrunken, cute green cabbage! However, you’re not tasty like a green cabbage. Nope, I was fooled. Apparently, small size equates to way more bitter. Your cuteness is deceiving. /shakefist
But instead of blaming you, I blame myself. You see, I’m a heterozygous taster. However, I tend to like the other Brassica vegetables, but I really don’t care for you.
But, I’m going to try to like you–you’re full of good stuff I need.
My goal: find a way to cook brussels sprouts so I can tolerate them enough to eat them.
Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3
Week 1, 1st Attempt — Roasted (how I usually cook veggies):
Simple and Easy.
-Brussels Sprouts cleaned, ends trimmed off, yellowish/brownish leaves removed.-Cover in Olive Oil
-Kosher Salt and Freshly Crushed Black Pepper, to taste
The only cookie sheet that has survived my uh...experiments...is a heart-shaped pan.
-Put in a 400° Fahrenheit oven for 30 minutes, uncovered, occasionally shaking the pan for evenly roast-y goodness.
Final Verdict: I enjoyed these. But, I did also make pork chops covered in an apricot sauce to go with it. Well, I used the sauce to dip the brussels sprouts in. It was yummeh.
Next batch, I’m going to cut the brussels sprouts in half prior to roasting, to accomplish even more roasted goodness.
Week 2, 2nd Attempt – Recipe from Betty Crocker Cookbook, 10th press from 1983:
Brussels Sprouts Parisienne = how to make brussels sprouts unhealthy.
So, this sounded interesting. It’s like, brussels sprouts covered in some sort of ‘effed up Hollandaise sauce? I have no idea what it’s supposed to look like–Google image search gave me pictures that looked nothing like my final product. Regardless, I followed the directions and uh…yeah…
-Add brussels sprouts to boiling water. Cook for 10 minutes; drain.
The Sauce (from Cookbook):
I would post the recipe, but not sure about uh…copyright stuff? But, the sauce involves butter, flour, nutmeg, chicken broth, egg yolks, salt, and pepper.
-I melted butter, blended in flour, salt, nutmeg, and pepper. Cooked on low heat until this stuff bubbled. Then, I removed it from heat and mixed in broth. Heated it to boiling, then stirred in the egg yolks. Brought it to a boil. Covered brussels sprouts with the sauce and added some sliced almonds.
Final Verdict: I really didn’t enjoy this. The texture of the sprouts were kind of weird…like slimy weird. I could still taste the bitterness even with the sauce (maybe not boiled enough?), and I wasn’t digging the sauce.
Also, I’m still iffy about boiling some types of vegetables as I would assume most of the water-soluble vitamins in brussels sprouts would “boil out” (and the whole reason I’m eating brussels sprouts is to get some of those nutrients). However, not totally sure about that as my chemistry skills are lacking. There’s been articles about to boil or to not boil vegetables (not necessarily pertaining to brussels sprouts)…this is an interesting one.
No, I will not be making this again.
Week 3, Attempt 3 — Sautéed:
Modified from this recipe:
I didn’t burn anything (I usually do when attempting to sauté something)! FUCK YEAH!
-Brussels Sprouts cleaned, ends trimmed off, blahblahblahbalb, then CUT THEM ALL IN HALF! Woohoo, fancyknifepartytime!
-I did not use bacon (blasphemy, I know).
-I did put 1.5 tablespoons of Olive Oil in a hot pan, then added some garlic until browned.
-Then in went the brussels sprouts (all 2 pounds of them).
-Added some freshly ground black pepper and kosher salt, to my taste.
-Added in 1.25 cups of veggie broth
-Added about 1/2 teaspoon of onion powder (I had no onions!)
-Cooked it all down until all of the brussels sprouts were soft.
Final Verdict: I really enjoyed these. Had a lot of flavor and I really couldn’t detect any bitterness. I may try bacon next time. But I prefer to use my bacon allowance for breakfast. Or on a burger.
So, I accomplished my task of finding a way to cook Brussels sprouts in a way that I can enjoy. I AM VICTORIOUS!
They will be consumed more often and I will continue to test different ways of cooking them. But, for now, I need Brussels sprouts break.