Life is full of annoyances and whatnot. I usually don’t let them get to me.
However, yesterday I let one get to me. It is now time to vent.
It’s progressive in nature. You see, it’s an annoying topic about “having kids.” Or as you get older, it turns into “lack of children.” (You start to hear that statement once you reach a certain age.)
My mother has been harassing me to have children for what seems like an eternity. First, it was getting married. Then, she realized that may never happen, so she gave up and started on the having kids thing. Finally, she gave up. Then, my dude and I finally got hitched, and it started back up again.
No worries, it’s my mom and I expect it. Like she learned to tune me out at select times, I’ve developed the same skill with her at these select “having children” moments. It’s been working out great.
But, then other family members and friends jumped on the “having kids” bandwagon. You see, it GETS WORSE AS YOU GET OLDER. EVEN AFTER YOU’VE SAID NUMEROUS TIMES THAT YOU’VE DECIDED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN!
However, it is family and friends so you just brush it off. No biggie. I still love them even though they’re occasional assholes.
But, yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back–or however that old saying goes. It’s when people you have no association with whatsoever. It does get to you after awhile.
You see, for some reason society is still in the bubble of the you-get-married-and-have-kids routine. Especially when you look older (I am 30 and I do look coughWISERcough). When you state that you don’t want kids, they look at you as if you’re a Kali Ma statue that has come to life.
It’s as if they see YOU as FUCKED IN THE HEAD. I don’t know if they’re thinking that, but the look they give you implies that. What follows next is that they tend to proceed to make it a point to try to change your mind. Then, when that does not work, they make the statement, “Oh, when you get older you’ll at least have one.”
No, I’m religious about taking my birth control. It’s 99.8% effective, asshat. Also, as I get older, my eggs are less viable therefore diminishing my chances of getting pregnant greatly every year after the age of 30. BWAHAHA ON YOU!
Also, I’m 30. I have not changed my mind. Can you respect that and stop judging me. Assess your own situation, damnit. Also, please stop making it a point that you’re going to spend the next 30 minutes of your life to get me to change my mind. It’s not going to work. It’s a waste of your time and mine.
The best: when they assume you have children because you’re older. ”You have kids, you know how it is.” No, I actually do not. I sleep at night and I enjoy it. I get to go out on a whim without having to worry about finding a babysitter. I get to walk away from screaming children BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT MINE! So no, I don’t have a fucking clue how it is. Please don’t assume that I do and then expect me to relate by being more sensitive to your situation. I don’t know how to do that because I don’t have the experience. Nor do I want the experience. So please, stop looking at me like I’m the asshole weirdo when I don’t help you out correctly in your situation or am not empathetic. I just don’t know what to do or what to say. Again, I DO NOT have the experience.
In addition, I’ve made the conscious decision not to have children. I don’t know if I have reproductive issues or not; even better if I do. From the age of 23, I would’ve been fixed if I could’ve found a Doctor covered my shitty HMO health insurance to do the procedure. I’d do it now if I could find a Doctor to do the procedure with my decent PPO insurance.
But, no. I have to keep pumping myself full of hormones and increasing my risk of developing cancerous tumors because most doctors will not tie your tubes until you’re 40 (i.e. you’re well over breeding age). This is due to the, “Oh, you say that now but you’ll more than likely change your mind.” FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even get a medical professional to back me up.
Now, here’s the kicker: Once you say you don’t want kids, most people assume you hate kids. No, I actually like kids. I have nieces and nephews, biological and through friends. They can be fucking cute. Annoying most of the time, but really cute. They say funny things, they’re fun to take places, they think everything is cool. I’m also still a kid at heart, so my child-like behavior is more accepted by 5 year olds than my fellow 30-ish year olds. Cool beans. So please, do not assume I hate kids because I choose not to have them.
Then comes the ‘why’ question. I know how much responsibility and work children are. I actually know way more about child rearing than I care to (it comes with studying bio. anthro.) It’s fascinating stuff to learn about but to actually raise a kid? No, that does not sound like a responsibility I want. Funny thing is, I know more about child care than most expecting couples. That’s a little scary.
But, I digress. Most of my quests that I’d like to accomplish during my lifetime would be very difficult or damn-near impossible if I had a kid to raise. I’m just selfish. I have no problem admitting that. This is my time and my show staring me. And my dude. We’re happy with that.
Also, my DNA is not top-notch shit. It doesn’t need to be passed along.
A sidenote that may sound mean, but slutever: Just because you have the ability to reproduce does not mean you should.
At least Margaret Sanger would be proud of me.
I feel better now.
If you encounter a couple who do not want children, please be sensitive to their decision. They get it enough grief from friends and family, they don’t need to get it from somebody they really don’t know.
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